Playing House
by JailyForever
Summary: Lily and Sirius go undercover in a Muggle community


**Team:** Holyhead Harpies

 **Position:** Keeper

 **Prompt:** Write about two witches or wizards going undercover in a Muggle town and having to learn to live like Muggles

 **Writing Club:** Showtime: Schuyler Defeated: (character) Peter Pettigrew, Days of the Month: Comic Book Day - Write about someone wearing a mask

 **Diagon Alley:** Ollivander's Wand Shop - Organize wands for 15 coins (Write one fic, 2k word min.)

 **Celtic Challenge:** The Giant's Causeway - (genre) humour, (scenario) deception

 **Word Count:** 2565

* * *

Playing House

"Home, sweet home," sighed Sirius, setting down the suitcase in the living room of the cottage. "Fancy something to eat?"

"You mean you're going to go and cook in the kitchen, and use an oven?" Lily laughed, raising her eyebrow at her fellow wizard.

"Of course, how hard can it be to work one of those Muggle contraptions?" Sirius posited, making his way through to the kitchen.

Intrigued as to how this was going to go, Lily followed him in and leant against the counter as Sirius stared at the oven looking bemused.

"Err, Lily, what do those knobs do?" Sirius asked. "Ah, to hell with, I'll just use magic."

Sirius went to withdraw his wand. Lily reached out and grabbed his arm, halting his progress.

"We're not supposed to use magic," Lily reminded him. "We're undercover to find out which witch or wizard is terrorising the Muggles of this neighbourhood; we're not supposed to draw attention to ourselves. Now do you understand why you weren't partnered with James?"

"Hmmf," Sirius snorted. "I still think Dumbledore was crazy for that decision. Or he could at least have assigned Moony as my partner."

Lily laughed loudly. "You two would be too busy in the bedroom to do any investigating, despite Remus' best efforts and you know it. Besides, I'm Muggleborn so it'll be much easier for us to blend in with my help."

"Okay, Miss Muggleborn, what do you suggest we do?" Sirius asked.

"Well, firstly, I'll prepare dinner and you can observe. There isn't a cat in hell's chance of me doing all the cooking whilst we're here so you're going to have to learn," Lily stated. "And whilst we dine, we can plan the dinner party we're going to host."

"Why would we do that?" Sirius asked, frowning.

"Why wouldn't we?" Lily retorted. "We're staying in a quiet, close-knit neighbourhood where everyone knows everyone. It would be considered highly insulting if we didn't. Plus, it'll be a great way to find out what our new neighbours have observed over the last few weeks."

"I see your point," Sirius admitted. "I guess this means I'm going to have to dig out my best suit and tie."

"Yes, you are," Lily told him. "And, much to my dismay, we are going to have to act like we are very much in love since we are posing as newlyweds."

"I'd much rather be married to Remus," Sirius muttered quietly.

~o~o~o~

"Sirius, hurry up," Lily called from the bottom of the stairs. "I want to get to the shops and back as quickly as possible so we have ample enough time to prepare the finger food for the dinner party."

"I'm coming," Sirius grunted, walking down the stairs. "You know you really are quite bossy. I don't know how James puts up with you."

"It's all part of my charm," Lily replied with a smile, her eyes widening as she took in Sirius' dishevelled figure. "Why haven't you taken your Polyjuice potion this morning? We're supposed to always be in our Muggle disguises."

"Chill your beans, Lily," Sirius said, pulling out a flask from his jeans pocket and taking a swig as he reached the bottom of the stairs. "Happy now?"

"Ecstatic, but I do wish I didn't have to constantly remind you about the basics of our assignment," Lily reprimanded as she watched Sirius' appearance change. "Now, take my hand."

"Why?" Sirius asked, looking at the outstretched hand.

"Because we're going out and we're supposed to be a couple," Lily reminded him. "Plus, neighbours in these areas are nosy. They'll question everything if we don't play the part, and we don't want to raise suspicions."

"Fine," Sirius said, pulling a face as he took Lily's hand.

"Oh, Sirius, smile," Lily jested, nudging him with her shoulder. "I don't have cooties if that's what you're worrying about."

"How am I supposed to know that?" Sirius asked, forcing a smile onto his face.

"Because they're not real!" Lily exclaimed. "Now let's go, lover boy."

"Don't call me that," Sirius said with a frown as Lily opened the door. "Only Remus can call me that."

"Yes, sweetie," Lily cooed, kissing him on the cheek.

~o~o~o~

Lily pushed the shopping trolley in front of her, picking up items of food as she went, whilst Sirius followed blindly making occasional crass comments about why he had to come along and it would have been much better if he could have just stayed at home and watched the Muggle pictures. Lily smiled to herself every time he made such comments as he was truly fitting into the role of a henpecked husband who was being dragged around by his wife.

Every so often they bumped into some of their new neighbours, and Lily introduced herself and Sirius to them, providing them with their back stories—they were both recent university graduates. Lily was an aspiring writer whilst Sirius was venturing into the world of law. Much to Lily's dismay, Sirius made very little effort to converse with their new neighbours, and Lily made a point to apologise to them for her husband's rude behaviour, jesting about how she would be having words with him when they got home.

She also made a point of inviting everyone she met to their dinner party that evening, and was quite pleased with how graciously they all accepted. Lily had a feeling that if Sirius got his act together, they could gather a lot of intel and have the case wrapped up in no time.

"Would you mind unloading the trolley whilst I pack, darling?" Lily asked sweetly when they had finished shopping.

"Anything to keep you happy, my love," Sirius replied, before muttering, "and off my back."

Lily shot him a glare. "I heard that."

"You were meant to," Sirius retorted.

Lily sighed and walked away from the trolley and watched as Sirius placed the items from the trolley onto the conveyer belt. She suppressed a laugh as he jumped slightly when it moved. The look Sirius gave her told her she would pay for not warning him about that.

~o~o~o~

"Remember, Sirius, when people arrive, offer to take their coats—especially the ladies coats," Lily told Sirius. "It is considered to be polite."

"You know, the more you talk about these stupid Muggle customs, the more I think of Pureblood society except the house-elves had the misfortune of doing all these chores," Sirius stated. "I feel sorry for Kreacher now—even if he was a little sod. Waiting on people hand and foot is no fun and provides no satisfaction at all, no matter what he or any other house-elf says."

"Sirius, taking a coat and being polite is nothing like being a house-elf," Lily said, laughing slightly at his comparison. "Also, be sure to remind our guests to help themselves to refreshments. When, and only when, they have all arrived do we circulate and talk to our guests."

"Yes, Ma'am," Sirius said sarcastically as he mock saluted her.

"Thank you," Lily replied, equally sarcastically. "Just remember that the sooner we finish our assignment, the sooner you can be reunited with your _Moonpie_."

Sirius' eyes widened. "Who told you that's my pet name for Remus? Was it James? I bet it was James. I can't believe he broke the broath he made to never tell a living soul what he overheard that one night in the dormitory."

"It wasn't James," Lily laughed. "You know you and Remus really do need to learn how to be quiet, or learn to use a silencing charm when you stay over at mine and James' house."

"How much did you hear?" Sirius asked, his face reddening in embarrassment.

"Enough to know that you are loud and think Remus has the finest arse in the universe," Lily said smugly.

"Swear a broath to me now that you will never tell a living soul what you heard!" Sirius insisted.

"You're too late," Lily said, taking a little bit of pleasure at how Sirius started looking appalled. "James already made me swear one. So your bedroom antics are safe with me."

Sirius breathed an audible sigh of relief as the doorbell rang.

"Shit, they're early," Lily cried. "Sirius, go and answer the door whilst I put out the rest of the food. And remember to be a charming and polite host. We have to fit in with these people."

"What do I say?" Sirius asked.

"If you haven't got it by now then I give up," Lily sighed. "Just be your usual charming self, and don't make any magical references."

~o~o~o~

The party was in full swing. Most of the guests had arrived and from what Lily could gather no one had noticed anything suspicious at all. In fact the only interesting piece of gossip she had found out was that the old man who lived at the end of the street had become something of a recluse over the last six months, which none of her new neighbours found strange at all since he appeared to be in good spirits whenever any of them had been to see him.

But the timing of his sudden reclusiveness struck a chord with Lily. She was determined to find out more about him, starting first thing in the morning by going round to introduce herself and Sirius to her new neighbour. She could be making something out of nothing, but Lily was almost positive that this could be the lead they needed to crack the case.

~o~o~o~

"Lily, did you really need to bake a cake?" Sirius asked as they walked down the road to their neighbour's house. "Couldn't you just have bought one from that shop we went to yesterday?"

"Have you learnt nothing, Sirius?" Lily quizzed, waving at one of her neighbours and smiling. "Society here doesn't think like you or I. To offer someone a store bought cake would be considered rude-they would think that we do not think they are worth the effort. The door would be slammed right in our faces in an instant. We'd never get past the front porch."

"All these rules are confusing," Sirius whined.

"Be thankful I didn't ask you to bake the cake," Lily said, turning and walking up the path towards the old man's house.

"Yeah, you just made me cut the lawn instead," Sirius complained. "Do you have any idea how much of an idiot I felt trying to work the lawn mower?"

"It kept you occupied, didn't it?" Lily quipped, knocking twice on the door in front of her. "Put your arm around my waist."

"What?" Sirius asked, his eyes widening.

"Place your arm around my waist," Lily repeated, taking his arm and making the movement for him. "We're meant to be a married couple, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," grumbled Sirius. "You won't let me forget it."

Lily bit back her retort as the door in front of her opened, revealing a frail looking old man.

"Good afternoon, Mr Smith," Lily said, greeting her neighbour. "I hope you don't mind us dropping by like this. We're the Joneses, and we just move in down the road. I noticed you were unable to attend our dinner party last night so in the interest of being neighbourly, we thought it would be nice to come over and introduce ourselves to you."

"She baked a cake," Sirius commented, pointing to the container in Lily's hands.

"How… kind," Mr Smith replied.

"Perhaps we could come in, and have a slice with a cup of coffee," Sirius suggested. "My wife spent all morning baking that cake and when she finished she wouldn't even let me lick the bowl."

"With good reason, darling," Lily whispered. "But as my husband said, it would be lovely if we could come in and get to know each other."

"You two remind me of two of my friends from back in the day," Mr Smith croaked, his eye twitching slightly. "Of course you can come in."

Lily noticed Sirius frown and gave him a quizzical look as they followed Mr Smith back into his house and through to the lounge where the elderly man insisted they sit on the couch. Sirius gave her a look which Lily took as to mean 'just follow my lead.'

She dreaded to think what Sirius was about to say or do, but before she could do anything to stop him, words were flowing out his mouth.

"Tell us more about these friends we remind you of," Sirius requested.

"The girl was in most of my classes and eventually started dating one of my best friends, and the boy was one of my other best friends," Mr Smith said. "They were always bickering and sniping at each other."

Lily fought to keep her expression neutral as she saw where Sirius was going with this. She had been a fool not to notice it earlier. She had always prided herself on being observant and yet she had missed it because she hadn't expected it.

"How did you know each other?" Sirius asked.

"We attended Hoggleworth High together," Mr Smith answered. "James, Reus, Sirius and I were the best of friends-until they coupled up and forgot all about me. They started doing couple only things which meant I was left all alone."

"So you decide to start terrorising Muggles!" Sirius roared, jumping to his feet and shoving the elderly man up against the wall. "We trusted you, Peter."

"Why, Peter?" Lily asked, glaring at Sirius and silently telling him to release his grip, as she drew her wand and pointed it straight at Peter. " _Incarcerous_."

"My Lord asked me to do his bidding and so I did," Peter replied as the grey hairs on his head started to change back to his natural mousy brown colour.

"Your Lord?" Sirius asked, sounding horrified.

"Yes, my Lord, I have been serving him for the last year," Peter told them. "I do as he commands without question, and so here I am."

"But why?" Lily asked. "Why are you serving him? We were your friends."

"Friends who all but abandoned me," Peter snapped. Lily couldn't help but notice the way Sirius' hands balled up into fists at those words. "And then _he_ approached me and offered me the chance to be part of his group and bring around the rise of a new dawn in the wizarding world. I found the offer rather attractive. Doing it under right under all of your noses was just an added bonus."

Sirius punched Peter, knocking him out. "You snake!" he hissed. "Lily, why don't you take this _thing_ back to headquarters for further questioning. I'll be along in a short while after making excuses for our sudden departure. After all, we cannot have the Muggles getting too suspicious."

"You are learning," Lily praised, smiling brightly as she moved towards the bound Peter.

"I have been known to pay attention, Lils," Sirius stated. "Besides I just like to see you get all riled up."

Lily narrowed her eyes at Sirius. "Sometimes I swear you and James are related," she whispered as she placed her hand on Peter's shoulder. "See you back at headquarters later today."

Without waiting for a reply, Lily spun on the spot and Disapparated from the house, happy in the knowledge that she and Sirius had prevented more harm from befalling the small community of Muggles.


End file.
